In these hard times…

One must cut corners whenever possible. So when I saw the price on this cut of "meat" I was tempted-- But seriously, what is chub?

27% fat? Sounds tasty…

A New Addition to "12 Reasons Why I Love Her"

I'm totally ecstatic (yes, I am a big enough dork to use that word) about meeting Jamie S. Rich and Joëlle Jones, the respective author and artist of the graphic novel 12 Reasons Why I Love Her. The book's amazing, and if you haven't read it, get yourself to Powell's right now and pick it up. The story of Gwen and Evan's relationship is told in 12 chapters, each titled after a song, and the chapters are arranged in an out-of-order sequence. Since the story is told out of order, I can now reveal a page of the book with an alternate storyline, courtesy of Jamie and Joelle, added to my copy of the book last night at the Wordstock Graphic Novel First Thursday. I think the artsy high I got from last night is going to last me the next week at least.

I'm also really excited about Jamie and Joëlle's collaboration on a new graphic novel due next year, You Have Killed Me, about private investigator Antonio Mercer. For more info on Jamie, Joëlle, and their collaborative and independent projects, visit their blogs - Jamie's is here and Joëlle's is here. Support your local Portland artists!

So, next on this week's agenda is an interview podcast with "Chinatown Dance Rock" sensation The Slants, playing this Saturday at the Someday Lounge. I'll be there with JP, Tim, our cheap recording equipment, and several pitchers of Pabst to celebrate the end of another work week. Come join us if you're in the area, 8pm on 125 NW 5th Avenue, to hear tracks from The Slants' new album, Slanted Eyes, Slanted Hearts.

My horrible excuse for slacking on my blog.

Of you two people out there who read my blog, one of you have pointed out that I have been slacking on updates. That’s almost 50%! So with such a high percentage of response, I felt it was necessary to provide an explanation for the neglect.

So the big reason is I went back to design school (my second degree, argh) for some continued education. Having a bachelor’s degree nowadays is just not enough, apparently. Here’s a quick list of jobs you can get with only a bachelor’s degree:

Receptionist.
Any kind of sales job.
Unpaid intern.
Any type of job that requires you to wear a phone headset.
Greenpeace/global warming/any type of activist recruiter.
Data entry.
Cashier at Starbucks.
Homeless person.

I will continue to update, but not as often, as I work full time and spend my nights in class. My sincerest apologies to my two readers :(

FYI, Northwest Noise will be conducting an interview with THE SLANTS this Saturday @ the Someday Lounge. Keep checking out nwnoise.com for more consistent updates about Portland’s indie music scene!

Audrey Tautou in "Priceless"

priceless - audrey tautou, originally uploaded by Deluded Secretary.

Drawn from one of the movie stills.

6 Random Things Meme floating around in BlogLand

Got the idea off @mediachick's blog I <3 Media. She's a great local Portland writer, and I really love her blog!

Rules of Engagement:

Link to the person who tagged you.
Post the rules on the blog.
Write six random things about yourself.
Tag six people at the end of your post.
Let each person know they have been tagged.

1. I don't like raisins, especially not in cookies.
   
2. I have always had pet birds. Growing up, we had parakeets, then we got a cockatoo, and now I have a pet cockatiel. Once you start it's hard to stop, I guess!
   
3. I taught myself how to draw people by copying out of American and Japanese comic books. I think a lot of talents are learned, not bestowed.
   
4. If they removed sports games/commentary and reality shows from television, I would be totally cool with it.
   
5. I know it sounds elitist, but I get really annoyed when people don't use correct grammar. To and too, your and you're, its and it's, weren't we all taught these things? What's wrong with our schools?
   
6. I really wish I could be in a rock band. Like a real garage rock band. That would be sweet.
   

Ok, now for tags… @bleung, @linzmarie213, @hollyoleary, @jokun, @juliema, and @aedgerton.

Ok, that should do it… and as always, have a happy Monday!

Thoughts on Freelancing

Inspired by Brian Yerkes’ blog post, 50 Reasons Why You Will Not Make It as a Freelancer, I was thinking about my own journey as a freelancer and what I’ve learned from freelancers I know who are successful (Humbly, I would not consider myself successful, as I am not yet making enough to quit my day job). However, in response to the article about why people won't make it as freelancers, here are my thoughts on those who will make it.

They’re disciplined.

Being a freelancer is hard work. You must be fully prepared to work long days, nights, and weekends. You don’t get to wake up at noon, skip a shower, and surf the net all day. Being a good freelancer means disciplining yourself to make deadlines, set goals, and actively pursue new clients and jobs. You must divide up your time between art direction, production work, project management, and client relations. Only those who take pride in their work and make their career a priority will have the stamina to survive the early years of establishing themselves as designers.

They aren’t afraid to charge their clients what the job is worth.

A very common mistake when you’re starting to freelance (I am guilty of this one) is not charging your clients for jobs early on, because you’re afraid they won’t like the work, or think it’s not to spec, or because you’re just plain afraid you won’t get the job unless you do it for free. I’ve figured out that if you have even a little bit of design skill, people will pay you to take advantage of it. Design is not a skill or talent everybody has. While it’s one thing to make a birthday announcement for your niece’s 8^th birthday party for free, it’s another when you make a habit of never charging for small jobs. Take pride in yourself and your work! If you never charge people at the start of your career, they’ll expect the same treatment later on when you’d normally bill a hundred dollars an hour.

They have a good understanding of marketing skills.

If you became a graphic designer because you thought you’d never have to sell anything, think again! A graphic designer is a salesperson for themselves— the difference is you are selling something you’re passionate about and understand the value in. The biggest mistake you can make as a freelance graphic designer is neglecting to network with people. You MUST be able to talk confidently about your value to others who may or may not share the same view. Social networking is crucial to maintaining a loyal client base and building upon it. Second to that, you must have a clear understanding of who your target client is— and to know that, you must first know what kind of design business you’d like to build. Which leads me to the last point…

They have a clearly defined business goal.

Jumping into a game without being prepared puts you at a huge disadvantage. If you clearly define what the goal of your design business is, you’ll be far more successful at reaching the right clients and establishing yourself professionally. A good place to start is to list out your own personal interests. Are you passionate about sustainable business? Sports? Popular media? Music? Designers can tailor their business to serving clients that fit their interests, or they can build their design style around these interests. But starting on the right foot and defining a business goal creates motivation and momentum to overcome obstacles and failures (which you will inevitably encounter). Also, having a business goal will help you better explain your business to potential clients, which will create confidence and encourage loyalty. Yay!

So freelance isn't for everyone. It's a tough business! But the freedom of self-employment and ability to define your own work are well worth the effort.

Starting the week on a good note

Hahahaha, I love the Muppets! Jim Henson, you are sorely missed.

The Beginner’s Guide to Evaluating Art like a Pro

If you are one of those people shudders at the idea of visiting an art gallery or thinks most artists are violent, drunk hippies, well this guide is for you. Because you too can look and act just like a professional art critic if you know what to look for when you view a piece of art.

There are four basic principles when judging art:

Realism – This is basically when a piece of art looks like something. So now when you look at a TV smeared with dog doo, or the picture of someone’s ass cheek with an anarchy symbol written in Sharpie, you can safely say, “That is realism.”

Formalism – This is a more subjective principle, so it’s easier to bluff your way out of sounding stupid. When a piece of art uses formalism, it means in your opinion it has beauty (form). So a flower painting is beautiful, a nudie picture is beautiful, same thing.

Politicism – This critique principle will tell you whether the artist will vote for McCain or Obama. Or if they’re gay.

Interpretism – This is the presence of social relevance. Look for hidden messages in blobs. What is the blob saying to you about racism? This also applies to those hidden pictures puzzles. Oh, THERE’S where they hid the shoe!

So there you go. If all fails and you forget your lines when looking at a painting, you can simply say “It works.” Ta da, instant genius!

TONIGHT: Oh Darling CD Release Party with Tea For Julie at the Doug Fir

On tonight’s menu are Fir Burgers smothered in Oh Darling’s indie pop rock, and a side of Tea For Julie for good measure. You are gonna kick yourself if you miss the CD Release Party of Nice Nice, Oh Darling’s debut album— show starts at 9pm! Opening for Oh Darling is NW Noise friend Tea For Julie, who will be playing tracks off their sophomore album, The Sense in Tying Knots.

Left: Oh Darling Right: Tea For Julie

Here’s an excerpt from the Nice Nice album review by my good buddy Justin for NW Noise:

“Oh Darling is no mere backing band for [lead vocal] Jasmine Ash. Each band member contributes heavily to the final project, resulting in ten tracks of beautiful indie pop rock. The album opens with a simple guitar riff on “Shoulda Never” before the rest of the band kicks in, leading to a rocking chorus. Guitarist Daven is actually new to the instrument, having played bass in previous bands and being told he would need to learn a new instrument in order to join Oh Darling… Most songs last no longer than three minutes, leaving the listener begging for more. However, it would be unfair to say that what Oh Darling does on Nice Nice is simple. There isn’t anything conventional about putting together an album this good.”

You can read more of Justin's Oh Darling review here, or visit their website.

Quality time with JP

My friend Justin, who likes to be called JP, is a fellow blogger (check out his blog, The Inimitable JP, here) and a staff writer on Northwest Noise, and he has agreed to sit down with me and answer a few questions for all the loyal readers out there.

I know you've led quite the adventurous life, JP. You starred in a show pilot, you were the president of a professional business fraternity, you've traveled all over the world, and you used to be in a band called Grated Cheese. Care to elaborate on your favorite past adventures?

As an actor and musician, it's always an unbelieveable experience to perform in front of others. Twelve years ago I was the Scarecrow in The Wizard Of Oz and people still talk to me about that role and how much they loved that performance. I remember signing autographs for kids after those shows, which was very cool. There are plenty of crazy stories working with other performers. One of the funniest memories I have while acting took place while on set. My friend, Gears, and I were watching the filming and were hanging with the production crew. The interior of the vehicle being filmed in the scene was miked and the broadcast transmitted near where Gears and I were standing. The director had cast his ex girlfriend in a small role and she happened to be in the car. After the director yelled "Cut!" he ran up to the car to talk with the actors. As he headed to the vehicle, the director's ex started telling the other actor in the car how horrible the director was in bed, believing that she was having a private conversation. But since the car was miked, everyone was able to hear what she was saying, except for the director. All of the crew lost it and the director had no idea why everyone was laughing so hard.

On a serious note, one of the most memorable and encouraging experiences of my life was watching my little sister, Misty, fight and win her battle with childhood leukemia. She went through things that I could never go through and inspired me with her bravery. It was a difficult period, obviously, and very hard on my entire family, but it made each of us stronger in the end. It's really incredible to see her nearly twenty years later just as healthy as everyone else.

But if I had to pick one defining moment in my life, it would be when I met Seigfried and Roy. Though, sadly, they would not let me ride on one of their white tigers.

So JP, I hear you have a super cute bunny named Petey. Would you care to tell me more about your precious little guy and how he came to love the ladies so much?

You heard correctly, my bunny is super cute. Petey is definitely his father's son: he has big ears, no chin, is kind of hairy, and he loves beautiful women. Of course, he has a much easier time getting them to rub his belly. He certainly has good taste in ladies; he adores my friend, Clarissa, and is a big fan of singer/songwriter Jasmine Ash. I feel very blessed to have the little guy in my life, though I had to promise him that I would cease to eat rabbit meat. He really hates when I joke about throwing him in a crock pot, which I tease him about often. That little guy always puts a smile on my face.

I also hear that you are quite the gourmet cook. Can you describe everything that's inside of your refrigerator right now?

Sadly, I have not been grocery shopping in quite some time, so my fridge currently looks like a bachelor's and not a gourmet's. I've got some leftovers from a bbq I had over at my place a couple of days ago, and some Thai food that I made the other night (I actually can make a pretty decent peanut sauce). My roommate has some of his home-brewed beer in there and this time of year, there is always Jubelale on hand. And because it will show my appreciation for Asian culture, there is also some edamame.

So I know you work as a staff writer for Northwest Noise because you got ME to work as a staff writer, but would you care to share how you met Tim Germer (the founder) and got started with the website? Also, would you give the readers a little bit of background on how Northwest Noise came to be a reality?

My good friend, Gears, is the one that introduced me to Tim. Gears and I were both represented by the same model and talent agency and became fast friends. Tim and Gears had known each other forever. So we became quite the trio, a little scary given our sense of humor and raw masculinity.

Northwest Noise started out as one of the first podcasts ever. The concept of podcasting was innovative at the time and Tim was smart enough to jump on the technology right out of the gate. However, there wasn't a lot of focus with Northwest Noise originally, it was usually just Tim and a guest host B.S.-ing for a half hour or so. But it was getting a lot of listeners since there weren't a lot of podcasts available back then; these days everyone has a podcast. I guest hosted on the show a few times, but didn't see the value at the time of making it a serious hobby. So I quit my involvement with the podcast to focus on other things, primarily school.

Tim continued working on the website, focusing it on promoting independent music in the Northwest. The website began featuring artist interviews and quickly became a legitimate media outlet in the local music scene. Last year, singer Debra Arlyn approached the website about putting together a concert featuring female musicians and Northwest Noise jumped on the opportunity. Because Tim knew of my business background, he asked me to help out with the show. Recognizing the potential in where the website was going, I agreed to help out and I haven't regretted it. I've met so many talented musicians, some of which I had been listening to since I was a kid, we've put out a CD (a live album from Debra Arlyn), and we have become an authority on the local music scene with our music news, album reviews, and artist interviews. We also recently brought a talented (and beautiful) staff writer/graphic design artist on board that I know is going to take us to the next level.

Ok JP, final question: You are taking a fine-lookin' lady out on a date for the first time. Tell me what you would do to make the night perfect.

I'm a music guy, so naturally a perfect evening is going to involve checking out a local artist in concert. Intervision, Justin King, and Debra Arlyn are all great shows to take a date to. Double bonus if the concert is at one of Portland's great venues like Jimmy Maks or the Doug Fir. Of course, we would have to take in some of the great Portland cuisine that is out there, maybe hit up Saucebox, Pok Pok, or Oba. And then I'd finish the evening with drinks and conversation at a nice bar, like BlueHour, Masu, or Thirst.

Northwest Noise Album Review: "Psycheclectic" by Obscured By Clouds

Portland-based art rock band Obscured By Clouds will release their first full-length album, Psycheclectic, on October 14^th of this year, appropriately just in time for Halloween. Band members William Weikart (vocals, guitars, synthesizers), Kevin Cozad (piano, synthesizers), Reinhardt Melz (drums), Ian Wengs (bass), and Matthew Bradley (guitars) maintain heavy influence by psychedelic and art rock of the 60s and 70s, particularly experimental bands like Pink Floyd.  Even the band's name, Obscured By Clouds, is a tribute to Pink Floyd's 1972 album of the same name.

The first track, “Soft Cheeked and Worried”, was my favorite song on the album, and actually starts off completely devoid of any sound save for background piano and acoustic guitar. Much like Pink Floyd’s art rock, the vocals of Weikart are slurred and dream-like, as if spoken/sang through a megaphone in an echoing empty tunnel. Combine the vocals with various electronic sound effects and synthesizers, and it becomes a brilliantly original spin on its influence.

As a fan of the musical style of the Floyd, I was surprised to find that Psycheclectic had retained many of their positive elements, and how much I liked the new originality. The tracks are all masterfully orchestrated and the talent of every member of the band is obvious. Another great example of this composition mastery is demonstrated in Track 5, “Faith’s Soul”.

On the other side, however, there were times when I felt that Psycheclectic was a bit too overwhelming with its need to out-perform Pink Floyd, yet remain noticeably original at the same time. This resulted in a repetitive, overly random mix of sound effects and guitar riffs that only could be meant to confuse the listener (most noticeable is Track 2, “Zoë Zolofft”). But there is no mistaking that Obscured By Clouds took the essence that made Pink Floyd so revolutionary and re-birthed it into a solidly innovative work of art, able to stand on its own.

As Weikart has stated in interviews, his purpose for starting the band was to enjoy the concept of the band together. The creative influences of the Floyd combined with the seamless synergy of the members of Obscured By Clouds make for a truly enjoyable experience in freeform art rock.

Weddings, pink neckties, and concert madness

What a crazy weekend! My Polish friend who was originally getting married next YEAR decided to bump the wedding up to this LAST weekend so her Polish relatives could attend the wedding (they happened to be visiting for the month of September). The wedding surprisingly came off with few hitches, the biggest of which was the groom forgetting to bring the pink tie he was supposed to wear. The wedding was delayed a half hour as one of the groomsmen made the trip back to the bride and groom’s apartment to retrieve said pink tie. The other bridesmaid and I made the bride’s last night memorable by enjoying a low-key bachelorette party, watching The Notebook and drinking Polish cocktails.
The reception was held in the groom’s parents’ backyard, followed by the entire wedding party trekking over to the nearest budget hotel bar for shots, then several rounds of bowling and pitchers of Coors Light. Mazel Tov!

Sunday night was AWESOME because I got to see Journey, Heart, and Cheap Trick in concert at the Clark County Amphitheater. If you didn’t already know, I’m a huge Heart fan; I love Ann and Nancy Wilson and think they are amazing and timeless! And of course, this two-woman band completely revolutionized the rock movement by giving women equal ground with the men who pioneered the genre. The bests of the night were Heart’s “Crazy On You”, with guitarist Nancy Wilson playing an amazing acoustic solo, and Cheap Trick’s “Dream Police”. I was also very impressed with Journey’s new frontman, Arnel Pineda, and his spot-on imitation of Steve Perry. Can’t believe they found this guy on YouTube…

Finally, this Friday, Sept 26^th, you shouldn’t miss the Debra Arlyn Band at Jimmy Mak’s, where the Northwest Noise crew will be in attendance to support one of our favorite local artists. This is supposed to be Debra’s biggest show of 2008, after opening this summer for Tower of Power, Chris Isaak, and Curtis Salgado. Opening for the Debra Arlyn Band is the Dave Milne Group at 8pm, and Debra follows at 10. Don’t miss it, it’s gonna be a great show!

Currently on my Tuesday playlist:

“The Blower’s Daughter” – Damien Rice
“I Believe (When I Fall In Love)” – Peter Frampton
“Sun Comes Up” – John Legend
“Your Song” – Elton John
“Dog & Butterfly” – Heart
“Faithfully” – Journey
“The Flame” – Cheap Trick

I guess there's a sappy love theme... must be leftovers from the pink tie wedding.

I'm a PC and I sell fish...

... was the best line in Microsoft's new ad campaign, "I'm a PC". I am not a PC and I don't sell fish, but BOY do I want a PC now... wait a second, didn't I fall for this same ad campaign a few years ago?

A tale of an ex-marketer

It scares me a bit to think about what I could have done for the rest of my life and was fully prepared to accept as my fate. I wanted to get into marketing because in high school, a friend of mine convinced me to join DECA (if you don't know what DECA is, you probably were a popular kid). Anyway, to participate in DECA you were supposed to write fake marketing proposals and compete against other nerds who wrote proposals, and then a judge would decide who had a better idea. I did pretty well and even won first place in the State Competition one year and went to DisneyWorld to compete nationally (I didn't even place). I look back on all that and realize that I believed I wanted to do marketing only because I had joined a club my friend was in.

And so off to college I go, business major declared, fresh-faced and eager, ready to MARKET!

As soon as I got into the business school my junior year I realized something was terribly wrong. I hated all my business classes. I had no desire to go to any of them or even to pretend like I cared. However, I was also a huge chicken and didn't want to jeopardize my future by changing majors past the halfway mark. I stayed and graduated with a degree in Marketing, and then tried to get a job.

Nobody tells you that the only kind of job you can get after college if you got a degree in Marketing is a sales job. Not retail, but full-blown 8-hours-on-the-phone, pounding the pavement, monthly goals, cross-selling, up-selling madness. I worked at a call center selling domain names for $8.95 a pop. I talked on my phone headset all day and sat in a cubicle next to a 17-year-old high school dropout. It was horrible, I was miserable, and I lasted 2 months.

When I got my current job as an administrative assistant/receptionist/personal secretary at an advertising and PR agency, I quickly felt a connection with the graphic design gals who worked in the creative department. As I learned more about their roles in advertising, I knew it was what I wanted to do too. I had always been creative and had loved to draw since I could grip a pencil. Why was this career choice never obvious before?

And so onward I push, my story not yet complete, absorbing all I can about how to be a graphic designer, learning new techniques, tricks, and software. I may be a little late in figuring out my ideal career, but I'm a lot luckier than those who never find their true calling. I urge you to really analyze what you are doing and compare it to what you do in your free time. How close do they match up? Another thing I learned is that it is never too late to change your mind. Don't be a chicken like I was in college and think you're stuck!

So that's a little about me and my background. I want to thank all of those who continue to support me, and for image's sake I swear this will be the last sappy post I ever write ;)

And heeeeeeeeeeere's Koko, by request

If you wanted to see what Koko the Junk Food-Lovin' Cockatoo looks like, here she is doing a dance:

Pet Survey

People get nuts about their pets. In America it seems at times that pets are more revered than kids, and why not, they’re cuter and cry less often. I just thought for fun I’d do a little census of the types of pets of the people I know.

Justin and Petey:

Petey is Justin’s fluffy orange-and-white lop bunny. He has an entire carpeted basement to himself to hop around in. Likes girls, hiding in dark corners, and being picked up by his scruff. Apparently doesn’t like carrots and is potty trained.
Rank of pampering: High

Mike and Koda:

Koda is Mike’s border collie. Very high-strung and hyper, but also very smart. She knows how to roll over, responds to finger snaps, and loves all types of human food including veggies. She runs faster and jumps higher than any other dog I know.
Rank of pampering (by Mike’s mom): High

Linda and Leo:

Leo is Linda’s long-haired orange cat. Free to roam the apartment and provided free range of furniture access. Like all cats, he’s a bit snooty unless you have food. He looks fat but it’s really all just his fur, which inevitably ends up clogging the vacuum.
Rank of pampering: Medium.

Kim and Koko:

Koko is Kim’s umbrella cockatoo. Likes to sleep in Kim’s bed, take showers, say “hello” over and over, be held like a baby, and hide under people’s shirts. Loves to eat French fries, pizza crust, cookies, ice cream, apples, grapes, peanut butter, Doritos, and anything that’s not her parrot pellets.
Rank of pampering: Extremely High

Ben and Mickey:

Mickey is Ben’s very fat, grey-and-white “dwarf” bunny. I put dwarf in quotes because she’s so big, she’s the size of a regular bunny. She regularly sleeps in people’s beds, hides under furniture, and eats her own fur. Her nametag at the Humane Society where she was adopted read, ‘Mickey is a sweet girl’, although she can be cranky.
Rank of pampering: Medium

And lastly..

Me and Penny

Penny is my pearl cockatiel. She was named for the orange spots on her cheeks that resemble copper pennies. She likes to be massaged and petted, greets everyone who walks by her cage with chirps, likes to eat chips, crackers, lettuce, and oatmeal, and enjoys nibbling on buttons, zippers, and other shiny things on clothes.
Rank of pampering: High

Designer Humor runs rampant on funnyordie.com

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Slacker Updates

It’s finally the last week of summer for the kiddies, you can smell fall in the air here in Portland, and as much as I’d love to enjoy these precious last days of warmth I’ve been crazy-busy with design projects. These last two weeks have been crammed with freelance meetings, deadlines, birthdays, and other various social gatherings. I believe I’ve finally reached a winning design for the brand spankin’ new Northwest Noise business cards, and after all approvals have been received and the production logistics are aligned I’m planning on unveiling it to all you loyal readers. I guess I could put the runners-up on here too, just for funsies.

Also on the agenda for this week were a couple of commissioned illustrations, one for a self-published zine and the other for my buddy at NW Noise, Justin, to celebrate his new digs in NoPo (North Portland, duh) Those’ll show up on here in the next couple weeks as well.

Also up finally on the NW Noise website is my Brandon Chandler & The Revival album review, which you might have seen already my site here, but I’m happy it finally made it on the website it was written for ;) Last week’s interview with Tea for Julie should be posted as soon as the podcast is properly edited, and for the record, those four guys were very cool and the interview turned out great. Up next is my review of Blind Pilot’s album, 3 Rounds and a Sound. They are on their “West Coast Bicycle Tour” now and you can read updates about the band on their blog here.

That’s all I got for now, I’m off to Deschutes Brewery for lunch in a few and I just saw a homeless guy pee on a lamppost outside my window.

Very Bad Haiku

In case you live under a rock, haiku is a Japanese-style poem consisting of three lines, with 5, 7, and 5 syllables per line, respectively. Here are some particularly amusing ones:

Bananas in cars
Get stinky in the sunshine
Please eat them at home

There's not enough beer
Up, down, far, wide or near, to
Want to kiss you, dear

I miss you like the
Cat who used to poo in my
delivery van

Acoustic guitars
And dirty feet do not make
you sing like Dylan

Asparagus pee
What a mystery are thee?
Like the honeybees

Blink 182
Oh dear, what happened to you
And your nakedness?

No, I did not take
Your Jello Poke birthday cake
You ate it, fat boy!

Noisy intestines
Gas at the reference desk
Should I let one fly?

Curious feeling
This thong I am wearing now
A paid-for wedgie

What the hell is this
Everything I own is pink
Red sock washed with whites

Big Mouth Billy Bass
Given as a birthday gift
Fifty percent off


And my favorite....


I told her and she
Was like, "Oh my God," and I
Was like, "Oh my God."

Something that made me laugh today

Jeph Jacques Indietits Comic, originally uploaded by Deluded Secretary.

Become I am such an authority on emo-rockers.

Review: Brandon Chandler & The Revival

I was very impressed by the debut album of Brandon Chandler and his band, The Revival, titled After All This Time. The album is a very catchy and soulful tracklist of summery tunes, like something you'd hear gracing the background at the neighborhood backyard barbecue. Chandler's voice is reminiscent of the vocal style of Jason Mraz and Ray LaMontagne, and as a big fan of those aforementioned artists, I found Chandler and his band's work equally appealing. He has a bluesy, feel-good vibe, paired with beautifully written lyrics and excellent guitar sound. I loved the diversity of instruments used, from guitars to pianos to organs, all mashed together into the wonderful harmony of sweet-sounding soul.

I believe the energy and youthful originality created by Chandler and The Revival will make them heavy-hitters in the folk/acoustic genre. My favorite tracks on After All This Time were "Slow Up, Slow Down", "The Sixes and Sevens", and finally "Lie To Me", which provides a great example of Chandler's incredible vocal range. I'm excited to see Chandler and The Revival's sophomore album Make Love Sing, due in early fall of 2008.

Also, I had to mention it because I loved it so much, but the artwork and design of Chandler's album cover is frickin' awesome. If I saw this album in the store I'd pick it up just because I liked how it looked. The artwork totally captures the essence of the genre, so major kudos to the band for choosing that design and to the designer for creating it.

sweet

Me versus Me

together, originally uploaded by Deluded Secretary.

I was cooler at 17 than I am now. I've regressed in coolness.

Yearbook Yourself

Stumbled across another golden time-waster... go to yearbookyourself.com to turn any photo of yourself (but pictures with you facing forward work best) into a yearbook photo from the 1950s through the 90s. Here are some of the ones I did:

I dig those cat's eye frames in the second one. Gotta get me a pair...

Print Gocco

Gocco (pronounced Go-Ko) is a type of Japanese screenprinting that was originally invented as a children's toy. The gocco machine is small and makes postcard sized prints on paper, cloth, and even food. While the prints can't get much bigger than 4x6 inches, you can make prints with the gocco screen an endless amount of times. The gocco machine looks like this:

The machine creates a print template out of any image by burning the image into a small mesh screen using a flashbulb, similar to what was used in old camera flashes. You simply make a carbon copy of the image you want to print using a standard copier, and load the image into a chamber on the gocco machine that contains two new flashbulbs. The copied image rests against the screen, and when the bulbs flash, the carbon is burned onto the screen, making pinprick holes everywhere the carbon was touching.

After the print screen is made, gooey, oil-based ink is applied to the back, and using the gocco press, is pushed through the tiny holes onto paper, fabric, or whatever material you want, creating a final print. The process is very simple and makes very detailed prints over and over. Here are some sample prints done by people in the gocco workshop:

The last one with the words "Fly By" was designed by me. I drew the cockatiel image and created my own font using the paintbrush tool in Illustrator. The cockatiel is my little baby girl Penny :)

Camping is in tents

This last weekend was spent camping at the Oregon Dunes with the fam. I really needed the break, it was heaven being outside in the beauty of Oregon and away from computers and cellphones and people. It’s so easy to get caught up in everything going on all at once, it’s nice to take a step back and have a breather once in a while. It was great– we slept in tents, cooked our food over the fire, got dirt on our clothes and sand in our shoes.

My family is the outdoorsy type, so I’ve been going camping and hiking with them since I was a little girl. Going to the Oregon Dunes is one of our favorite spots. We spent all day Friday at the Oregon Coast Aquarium, where we watched the puffins and got to touch stingrays and small sharks. Saturday was spent at the South Jetty Beach in the Siuslaw National Forest, where we climbed all over the beachside dunes and checked out the stuff that washed up on the shore. Animal sightings included snowy plovers (in summer plumage), killdeer, osprey, otters, pelicans, some kind of hairy worm, and sand crabs.

Now for a random thought: Congrats to my good high school friend Hannah for tying the knot last weekend! I know you and Tim will be very happy!

Currently spinning on my digital turntable:

Il Buono, il Brutto, il Cattivo Original Soundtrack – Ennio Morricone

Turn boredom into fun! with Photoshop

I think the city backdrop in this photo is in China. So the pufferfish makes total sense, since the air pollution there could probably cause you to hallucinate.

Birthday Announcement

I made a little birthday announcement image for my friend's event webpage. It was really simple to make. Just a few free images from the web + some quick Photoshop edits + a few snazzy InDesign moves = a really easy way to get something noticed.

Good online time-waster: Wordle

Just discovered this cool website, Wordle, that allows you to create little word "clouds" by entering in random words, bits of text, or the link to any text document. It then will spit out a little creative looking word cloud, which you have the option to print or add to your Wordle gallery. You can also tweak your clouds with different fonts, layouts, and color schemes. And now for your viewing pleasure is my crappy sample:
See? Any monkey with a computer can be a designer!

Upcoming Shows: The Dimes, Tower of Power, and The French Semester

Wow this week is a busy one! There are tons of great acts making their way through our fair Rose City right now:

Up this evening are The Dimes, playing for the Kink FM Summer Concert Series in Bridgeport Village at 6:30pm. Now I reviewed The Dimes before when I heard them at the Doug Fir, and I can't emphasize enough how much I connected with their amazing and original harmonized sound. These guys have a great time on stage, dancing and being goofy, and you can really feel the energy and enthusiasm they put into their music. Not to mention, all of the guys, as individuals, are extremely talented musicians. I'm hoping tonight to hear some of their unrecorded tracks like "Paul Revere", as well as music from their new album, The Silent Generation (the best ones are "Salt & Foam" and "Paul Kern Can't Sleep"). The handsome (that's right, I said it) and talented Ehren Ebbage, The Dimes' acoustic guitarist, will be flying solo tonight for his own gig at the Alberta Street Pub happy hour show.

On Sunday I'll be checking out Tower of Power and The Crusaders for the Oregon Zoo's Summer Outdoor Concert Series. I am a HUGE fan of Tower of Power, but I'll admit that I'm a bit curious to hear what these guys sound like live after more than 30 years playing together. On a side note, if you're into that whole soul/funk/jazz sound, you'll like The Essentials. They're a ten-man (and woman) band from Eugene, OR-- home to the Ducks and cross country running and Coconut Bliss Ice Cream. One of my buddies from college plays the alto saxaphone and was a member of the band for a while, which is how I discovered these guys. Several members of the band are actually students majoring in Music at the University of Oregon, which is probably why they sound so amazing. Unfortunately, The Essentials won't be visiting Portland till November 15 at the White Eagle Saloon, which totally sucks because they are AWESOME. Until then, you should visit their website to preview some of their tunes.

Lastly, I was lucky enough to receive an email from Los Angeles band The French Semester letting me know about their tour stop in Portland on August 19th, at the Towne Lounge. Now I hadn't heard these guys before, but I am pretty psyched they gave me a shout out, because after listening to a few of their tracks on Myspace (I really loved "Fourteen") I'm gonna see if I can finagle the NW Noise crew into coming to the Aug 19th show. The French Semester's Myspace page is definitely worth a look if you like indie legends Rain Parade, the Stone Roses, or GBV.

The French Semester

Currently revolving on my digital turntable...

"Fourteen" - The French Semester
"Boogie Wonderland" - Earth Wind & Fire
"Sinnerman" - Nina Simone
"Peachy" - Missy Higgins
"Duncan" - Paul Simon
"Business Time" - Flight of the Conchords
"Lebanese Blonde" - Thievery Corporation

Happy Thursday!

Monday

I often fantasize about doing this.

A silly video about fonts -- ALERT: nerdy designer humor

If you aren't a graphic designer or typographer, this video will not make you laugh. It will make you cry because it's so dumb. However, being a designer myself, I was amused by it. The worst part about it is I know all the fonts featured. I even have a favorite oh god somebody stop me.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Well, I’m back. (i.e. Hippie Family Reunion Highlights)

I wasn't able to get an interview with The Herbivores like I wanted, but I did come away with some good stories. Not only were The Herbivores playing, there were two other artists there, Olivia De La Cruz and State of Jefferson.

Herbivores frontman Jim Matthieson and his natty dreads

The Herbivores have a reggaeton/experimental/rock sound, and are led by frontman Jim Matthieson, who provides vocals and electric guitar. Jim is hard to miss because he has the longest dreadlocks I have ever seen, they drag on the ground wherever he walks. The lead guitarist is the talented Jay Roberts, son of the legendary jazz guitarist Howard Roberts, who recorded the eerie theme to the Twilight Zone television show. Roberts is the founder of Roberts Music Institute (RMI) in Seattle where he teaches classes and ensembles. In 1992, he won the Jimi Hendrix National Electric Guitar Competition in addition to being named Seattle’s Best Guitarist for 1992 and 1993.

Along with electric guitar, The Herbivores also experiment with brass, keyboards, an upright electric base, and an assortment of unusual instruments from mandolins to cowbells. The resulting sound was surprisingly well-blended and intuitive, even though I didn’t really appreciate the lyrics in one of their tracks, “Roll Me A Spliff” (haha).

Opening for The Herbivores was the very talented vocalist and guitarist Olivia De La Cruz from Chelan, WA. She has an innocent, folky sound and a writes all her own songs. Her best tracks were “So Sweet” and “Happy”. Following Olivia was The State of Jefferson, an indie/reggae fusion band from Ashland, OR. The State of Jefferson frequently travels with The Herbivores, raising awareness about the Seattle Hempfest and other social causes.

The State of Jefferson

Cool things: Seeing my numerous cousins and tons of family members at my family reunion, the grilled rib-eye steak (Wow! Not all hippies are vegetarian!), swimming in the pool, the amazing weather in NorCal, good music, homemade peach cobbler, dancing barefoot on the lawn, and good stories to tell.

Not-so-cool things: Big clouds of toker smoke everywhere, stereotypical rants about conspiracy theories, huge scary june beetles, and sand everywhere.

The Haves vs. The Have-Knots

If you're a fan of Aaron Karo, you'll know I borrowed the terms from this post title from him (and am hereby giving proper credit). Basically it's married people (Haves) versus unmarried people (Have-Knots). I never wanted to use this blog as a grievance outlet, but here goes.

A girlfriend of mine just got engaged and asked me to be in her wedding party. Being a Have-Knot myself, I didn't realize what I was getting into when I said yes. This is a commitment, man! Just to be a bridesmaid! Forget saying "I do". The wedding is next August and already I've accompanied her shopping for dresses, given opinions on videographers, interviewed two photographers, interviewed a deejay, helped her pick colors, flowers, favors, and themes, and we've still got a whole year to go.

The bride is Polish, so the wedding will be a Polish wedding. Her husband-to-be insisted on being completely uninvolved with the wedding itself, and so the bridesmaid brigade bravely forges on while he plays golf with the groomsmen. From what I understand the only things that change in a Polish wedding is the addition of a oczepiny ceremony, where the bride basically tosses her veil instead of the bouquet, and lots of drunken games of musical chairs. No Polish sausage for dinner as I had hoped.
I think the wedding is a test for the marriage. If you can get through that one day, nothing that comes down the line could get much worse. I think that's why most Have-Knots that I know are perfectly content in their unwed status.

It's strange to me that I've reached this point in my life now where a lot of people I know are getting hitched. I even went to the wedding of a couple who I saw through their entire courtship, from the drunken accidental hookup to the day he carried her over the threshold. Someday even I could be picking out flatware with somebody whose calls I continuously screened. To sum it all up, weddings are a weird, weird way of celebrating all of life's awkward moments.

This will brand me as a huge nerd forever, but...

The theatrical trailer for Frank Miller's The Spirit actually looks kind of cool. You might already know that I'm a huge sucker for comic books or anything comic book-related, and this film is based off of Will Eisner's similarly-titled comics from the 1950s. It's even done in traditional Frank Miller film-noir style, much like what we saw in Sin City.

I'm not holding my breath for a great story in The Spirit, though. Frank Miller has a ways to go in that department. I mean, Sin City was a beautiful film, but the story was no more than a fake blood fest, and not even the good Tarantino-style kind. I guess we'll see what happens this time around. In the meantime I'm going to ponder why everyone keeps casting Scarlett Johansson and her weird lips in every movie these days.

The Dimes & The Mother Hips @ the Doug Fir, Updates

I have been lagging behind on my posts on here... like the WALL-E post? That's week-old news (but he's still cute as ever). So here is another catch-up post to recap on seeing The Dimes and The Mother Hips at the Doug Fir Lounge last Friday.

As the newest staff writer for NW Noise, I tagged along with the boys to interview Ehren Ebbage from The Dimes. Ehren's a very talented acoustic guitarist and vocalist, and occasionally takes longs walks on the beach. The interview went great and you can hear it on the NW Noise website if Jason ever gets around to uploading it. The Dimes were amazing-- the best tracks were "The Liberator" and "Paul Kern Can't Sleep" from their album The Silent Generation (available on iTunes!), and a few as-of-yet unrecorded songs. The Dimes were followed by Bay Area band The Mother Hips, equally impressive with their Bob Dylan/Neil Young/Buffalo Springfield sound.

Just an FYI, I'll be reviewing Ehren Ebbage's solo album Ten Cent Souvenir and will be posting the review to the NW Noise website later this week. Stay tuned!

I'll be taking off to Weed, California (smirk) this weekend for a little family reunion, but while I'm in town I'll have the opportunity to see and interview The Herbivores, a Seattle-based reggaeton/experimental rock band. Think what you may, I don't really participate in "leisure activities", but I consider myself an equal-opportunity music enthusiast. At the very worst, the experience should provide me some good stories. So hold onto your pants until I get back on July 22nd.

And for funsies, here's my current playlist:

"The Way She Does It" - Ehren Ebbage
"Time We Had" - The Mother Hips
"She Sells Sanctuary" - The Cult
"Take A Walk On The Wild Side" - Lou Reed
"Smoke On The Water" - Deep Purple
"Kool Thing" - Sonic Youth
"PBJ and Thank You" - Valeri Lopez
"Hotel Song" - Regina Spektor
"Simple Kind of Life" - No Doubt
"Always The Sun" - The Stranglers
"For Us" - Pete Yorn

I Love WALL-E

WALL-E is, to-date, the best movie I've seen in more than a year. And, what more to add to my fixation than to see a live WALL-E gracing the blue carpet at the London premiere? He moves, he makes sounds, he waves at the crowd. What's more to love? As WALL-E would say, "Ta-Da!"

Out Of Your League Girl

http://www.outofyourleaguegirl.com/

“Like, there’s passionate nerds out there that like, write code. And those people are like billionaires, and you know how I am about money. Like your passion can take you anywhere. You just gotta find your passion and like, go for it. Like for instance, look at me. Like, I am out-of-your-league hot. Why? Because I’m so passionate about it.”

-Out Of Your League Girl on "Passion"

Have you seen these video shorts? Even though I am not a guy I can appreciate it. An “out-of-your-league” girl, named as such, babbles with sincerity about social issues directed at guys. It’s brilliant. They don’t even mention brands in it. They never advertised the campaign. The only thing I don’t get about the whole thing is the sponsoring company. Why Converse? I could see a soap or deodorant company, but shoes…? Are they trying to say that only nerds who write code wear Converse?

Anyway, expect to see a bunch of homemade imitations on YouTube later today.

Northwest Noise

I’m really excited to be coming on board with Northwest Noise, an indie music & media outlet featuring interviews, schedules, recent news, and podcasts of NW bands & musicians. My friend JP got me involved (Thanks JP!), and I’ll be out at the Doug Fir this Friday to interview with Ehren Ebbage from The Dimes. They’ll be playing at 9PM along with The Mother Hips.

Also, I won’t be able to go but the beautiful and talented Valeri Lopez is playing this Friday at the Camellia Lounge on NW Hoyt and 11^th. The cost is free and if you haven’t heard her, you shouldn’t miss it! She’s an absolutely amazing singer, and very talented guitarist.

Ms. Valeri Lopez

JP, this is for you

walrus, originally uploaded by Deluded Secretary.

It made me laugh.

George Carlin as he would want to be remembered

I know George Carlin died 2 weeks ago, but I forgot to make a mention for him, so when you read this make sure you say a cuss word in his honor. And let's not forget some of his finer moments of comedic ranting, such as his recent thoughts on nutball environmentalists:

Maintain your (corporate) independence

The projected concept behind social networking websites is very appealing to me. Yes, you too can maintain your professional and personal relationships as easily as posting a sentence on someone’s profile! Friendships repaired in three seconds! Lost lovers reunite in two! It’s simply a result of the current age of instantaneousness.

I wonder when we got so busy. Somewhere between the innocence of childhood and the illusionary demands of adulthood, maybe. I say illusionary because I think as a society, we made a lot of them up to combat bad self-esteem. I don’t have to answer the phone every time it rings, I don’t have to buy something every time I see an advertisement, and I don’t have to be connected in every network. I’m getting very tired of the generalized belief that I should.

Take Facebook, for example. The appeal was huge, it swept the nation. I was caught up in it too, bribed by the wealth of information at my fingertips. I still use it, but not for the same purposes as before. I remember the day I first saw the ad on the sidebar that advertised something I had listed under my “Interests”. And like that, I came to the realization I’d been so naively ignoring: I was only a statistic in a targeted demographic, a non-human, consumer database blip. But that’s what’s so genius about social networking— we willfully submit ourselves to it. I have yet to see any real returns on my time investment in Facebook.

AdBuster magazine featured an article titled “Facebook Suicide” that I found interesting:

“By turning members into consumers who involuntarily advertise to their friends, Facebook hoped to extract profit from social interactions. However, by commercializing friendships, Facebook has irrevocably destroyed its image. Now a vanguard of the anti-Facebook movement is developing out of an increasing disenchantment. No longer a fun, harmless place to hang out, Facebook has become just another commercial enterprise.”

-Micah M. White, The Global Movement #77

I’m scared to think about the thoughts that are planted daily in the minds of so many Americans by media conglomerates— particularly younger generations. The distinctions between wants and needs have become so gray, we purchase everything on a whim just to save ourselves time. And all that saved time, where does it go? Straight to Facebook.

Happiness as Your Business Model

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In the business of being snubbed by big business

This is from a few days ago, but the consumer blog community has been in uproar over blatant snubs fellow consumers have received from big companies, particularly Target, Starbucks, T-Mobile, and Sprint. Blogger and marketing consultant Joseph Jaffe reminds these guys not to miss an opportunity to right some truly unbelievable marketing no-no's. I was particularly shocked over the Target and Starbucks consumer snubs, described by Jaffe in this brief clip (you'll have to follow the link because the video can't be downloaded):

Social Media Mistakes of Five Big Marketers

In this golden age of communication, how do these big guys think they can get away with this? They seem to be forgetting that their target demographics are made up of individuals-- who are constantly connected with one another.

I had a recent experience with Apple where I was snubbed twice by their customer service department. I placed an order for a nice shiny 24" iMac and printer that were damaged via shipping. Not only was I not notified of the damage, I wasn't automatically re-ordered a new computer, and had to complete the re-ordering process myself, which took an additional 7-10 days. This re-ordering process took place after I haggled with a customer service rep on the phone for 30 minutes, 29 minutes of which I was on hold. I then had to wait 24 hours for a "case number" and verification email. Only THEN could I proceed with ordering a new computer.

Following the iMac issue, I ordered an iTunes gift card from them several weeks ago which I only just received last Tuesday due to "loss in shipment". Not only had I not received this thing for weeks, Apple wasn't even willing to take the blame for the loss of the product in shipping, instead pointing fingers at USPS. As a reward, they received a three-page rager suggesting a total overhaul of their processes (along with a few choice words for the staff I spoke to).

On the upside, I got promoted to an Apple VIP after a long, ass-kissing phone call last Saturday following my letter. But the sad truth is that I'm one of the lucky ones. Big Biz snubs happen countless times a day to countless consumers. I'm hoping we'll soon reach a point where consumers are more united and loyal to each other than they are to brands that consistently slight them.

Weekend Recount

Friday started off with a bang when on my way to work at 7:45am, I fell over the curb into the street, causing my knees and hands to make painful contact with the asphalt below. My bag went flying, all its contents strewn about. At least two guys saw this happen, too, but they just watched me pick myself up, hands-a-bleedin', and collect my lunch, checkbook, purse, and mp3 player. I didn't even trip over anything, I just fell off the curb. I'm awesome!

Later that day, I saw the book signing of author Jessica Abel at Powell's on Burnside, who co-wrote with Matt Madden the book Drawing Words and Writing Pictures: Making Comics from Manga to Graphic Novels. I've seen the book and it's great, it's a really solid introduction to creating and making comics of all types. As a self-professed comics geek, this event was a must-see for me, and I'm really glad I went.

"GEEK"

I was invited by a friend who writes for Northwest Noise to see the band Intervision at Jimmy Mak's on Saturday night. The band had a great sound, reminiscent of Maroon 5 or Steely Dan, and played a lot of original, dance-inspiring tunes, include a few covers of The Police and Bob Marley. You can see NW Noise's exclusive interview with the band frontman, Paul Creighton, on their website.

Intervision

Sunday I golfed with my dad. That's about it. I have amazing short game. It's a Cinderella story, really.

I never saw this coming

People are so immature. I never would have seen the phallic reference in the movie title Hancock had I not seen this photo. There must have been a thousand other titles they came up with for this movie before they settled on this one. It's a great choice. I hope somebody in the Buena Vista Sony Pictures marketing department got promoted.

I stole this from Jeph Jacques

1. My username is _____ because ____

I have a couple usernames because I think I'm a lot cooler online than I am in reality. One of my usernames I made all the way back in middle school when I started using IRC. It's kcyan6, and I don't use it anymore, but personally I think it's awesome. I just got too many questions about what it meant. I didn't know usernames had to mean anything, but basically I took a word, cyan, added a random letter and number to it, and kcyan6 was born. Both dumb AND timeless. Bonus!

2. My name is _____ because ______.

My first name is Leslie because my dad liked it and my mom agreed. That's pretty much the story. I heard a rumor that I have a great-uncle named Leslie, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was true. I know more male Leslies than female. My last name is of Scandinavian origin, and has a double-vowel. My dad's side of the family is from Finland, where inventing words with double-vowels originated. Finns also invented cellphones, furniture, jam, and blond hair.

My middle name is Anne because of Anne of Green Gables. I've never read the book and I don't think my mom has either. According to Anne of Green Gables, the "e" on the end is very important.

3. My blog is titled ____ because ____.

Flying V and the Lost Secretarial Arts came from my twisted brain. Flying V was the name I was going to choose for my as-of-yet nonexistent design company, but I searched the government trademark database and found that it was registered to Gibson Guitars. I wonder if they'd still let me use it because I wouldn't name a guitar after it. Anyway, I decided to just use it as the title of my blog because I didn't think Gibson would care about that. Especially because the only time I would ever make reference to a guitar on the site would be to whine about how I wished I could play one.

The Lost Secretarial Arts refers to my current job as a personal assistant, administrative coordinator, and all-purpose office bitch. I say "lost art" because I suck at it. However, I did fix our toilet once when it wouldn't flush, and it still works. Did I mention my job is ridiculous?

4. My profile pic is ____ because ____.

A picture my sister took with her phone, which explains the quality. I like it because it's a pretty accurate depiction of my personality. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and with a little Photoshopping, I still think that's true.